I stopped by your house twice, brought you some soup, but Zawa told me you were not there.
The grey haired woman was too busy coughing to answer her friend. Finally she answered.
“The rain sprinkled on me while i was out shoping, now I know, am going to catch a cold. “You made your squash soup today?”
“I always cook my Sunday meal on Saturday.”
“What? You eat left over food on Sunday? ”
Annoyed at her friend, she slightly raised her voice to say. “You mean, you still wait till Saturday to shop for your Sunday meal?”
“Yap! I don’t play with tradition. I have to cook my fresh chicken, some white rice and white beans every Sunday. Even Wawa won’t eat if he knows…”
“Well, you need to tell your Wawa this is America. He’s been here for over twenty years, and he still wants freshly cooked food every day?
She answered, “It’s not only for him. I enjoy my Sunday meal better when I shop on Saturday!”
“Get away from my face with your nonsense!” Ersula slightly raised her voice. “I don’t waste my time on food. I can have a sandwich, broil me a plantain, to eat it with some leftover meat. Even a bowl of salad will do. Food is food! “
“You sound like an American now! Eating a sandwich on Sunday? You should be ashamed of yourself!
The old woman stares at her friend as if she had committed an abominable crime.
“I can’t believe you would eat a sandwich! A dry bread with some bo, bo, Bolola?”
“For God sake, it’s called, “Bolog – Na, not Bolola!’ I can’t believe you can pronounce even that, after twenty years being in America!”
“Well, that’s because we don’t eat Ball log Na. Wawa used to eat some Him/ Hamm, I don’t know how to say that one either. But, when he found out it was made of horse meat, he kept on imagining the horse running all over the place inside the house. So he told me never to buy that again.”
“Your Wawa is as sick as you are. I never heard of anyone not eating a damn sandwich! Anyway, when do you have time to cook all that food on Sunday – don’t you have to be at church by 9:00 A.M.?”
“I start broiling my beans after midnight! The hen takes a bit longer to cook, but unusually all my foot is ready by the time Wawa wakes up. Since he doesn’t like his soup to be cold. “
“You mean to tell me, you cook some squash soup to top the rice, chicken, beans?”
“Yeah! I broil some plantain, plus we eat some salad too!”
“Your boys eat dinner with you guys on Sunday?”
“Dinner? The soup is for breakfast. The Rice and chicken … for after church, around 2:00. But we have some rice pudding for supper. One bowl each.”
“Are you kidding me? And you guys are still but skin and bones?”
“You must remember, we’re always on a diet!”
The old lady turned to look at her friend. For a moment, she refrained herself from saying anything to her. In fact, she grabbed a bottle of water to gargle down, while she shook her head. But, finally when she turned her head she yelled:
“Diet? Diet? How in the hell do you imagine yourself and your husband to be on a diet, ZAZA?
Zaza calmly answered:
“Wawa and I drink some tea, so we can shit all day!”
I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. Since I was not about to surrender to depression, I decided to just rolled over toward the right side of the bed!
When I finally got up, I was leaping for joy!
So, there I was walking toward the garage, when I hurt my toes. Ouch! Then my body slammed against the ironing board, which slapped me on my face.”
So I took the broom and beat the crap out of it!
Yes, you’re right. My mind was made up. I was not about to be defeated today!
So, when my daughter finally woke up, she had nothing better to do, then to annoy me about my hair. Which honestly have been looking like dry grass lately.
“MA! What’s going on with that hair of yours? You know, that can’t Go ON!”
“What can’t GO RUN?” I asked her.
“Your hair MA – YOUR HAIR!”
“Oh yeah!” I answered. ” I bet you ten each, they can go run!”
“OK, I bet!” She replied.
So I went in the bathroom, shaved my hair off! When I walked out.
“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR MA???”
“They went running. Now you owe me $10.00 each string; pay up!”
I know! You might think I’m the First Lady. BUT, your eyes are just tricking you. LOL
In the field of the heavenly task, I was assigned a young protégé. The first house we travelled was a multi-millionaire, known for his brilliant invention. Disguised as a beggar, we knocked on his front door.
A man dressed like a penguin, with a superior pose, opened the door. “How may I help you?”
So I answered, “It is mighty cold, our journey is mighty far, we beg for shelter till early morrow please.”
“Let’s see what the master!” As he walks away. “If look could have killed…” Hope you know what I mean.”
“Who is it?” We heard. But the butler did not answer. Instead, he kept on walking with his head straight, as if it was held by an invisible cast.”
Meanwhile, with the door closed, we stood in the cold. The snow blistering, we turned into a snow man.
After a few second we heard, “Why bothering me with such nonsense? Throw them in the basement!”
So we slept on the cold floor. Not a cup of coffee or tea was offered to us. But in the middle of the night, the butler was kind enough to bring us a blanket, along with a candle. On his way back, his steps paved the way to a large whole, but he kept on walking. So with my magic instinct, I restored the floor right before we left.
“Why did you even bother to fix the floor, after the way we were treated?” Asked the young angel.
I answered him, “Things are not always as they seem dear.”
The next house we visited, was a poor farmer, with his wife and four children.
“We boiled some water for your bath. Afterward, come and dine with us. Although a small chicken, but I’m sure will do.” Said the wife, while she served us a cup of tea.
The husband who remained quiet during dinner finally turned to me, “John and Nathan will sleep with us. Their beds are pretty comfy, hope you both will be warm.”
But around midnight, we heard a male voice, weeping in the living room.
“Why God – Why? I used our last coins to buy this cow – Now that it’s dead, how will we survive – how will we?”
The young protégée bitterly plead: “Why? Could you not have prevented this tragedy on this kind and hospitable family? While You’ve withheld you blessing from them, yet you’ve shed your kindness on the unworthy millionaire”
The older angel replied “Haven’t I previously stated: “Things are not always as they seem?”
“Grant me understanding then. Perhaps, even discernment please – For I’m yet to see the light through your reasoning!”
Then the elder answered “I hid the wealth which was bursting its pathway from the ground, being the rich man was not worthy of such honor. Therefore, even that which was once granted to him shall be taken away.
But, pertaining to this man, could the grief he suffered over the cow, be compatible to the one his family would endure if he dies – being that he is the main bread winner? Last night, during the midnight hour, I bargained with the angel of death who was commissioned to claim his soul; so he settled for the cow instead. Learn this: “Things are not always as they seem. ”
“But, how will they survive?”
“The sparkle of life travels with hope; and where there is love, there also lies the strength to survive. “
“Idovia” was my maternal grandmother’s name, but we called her “Dodo.” I must admit, she was a unique character. One thing for sure, she didn’t bargain with nonsense, and her tongue was as sharp as a two-edged swords. Furthermore, her fearsome stares were like murder attempts, so everyone knew not to piss her off whenever she was having a bad day.
After reading this story, you should pretty much sum up my Grandmother’s character. Enjoy!
“Now, Dodo what is it I heard you cursed the priest during your confession?” She was asked by one of my great uncles.
As she pulled her donkey toward the gigantic mango tree, she did not even bother to turn her head back while she murmured, “Is it your damn business whether I cursed the priest or the angels?”
Her cousin replied, “You think you’re a tough old lady, but one of these days, the Good Old Lord will bargain with you couzin!”
After she tied the donkey, she slowly walks back toward him. Her bow legs were notable, which made her look even shorter standing next to him, but she was always fearless. She then placed both hands on her hip,
Yes, I’m as tough and raw as a steak, and stubborn as a mule. The Good Old Lord created me just like that, you have a proble with that? “Besides, that damn priest was asking me about my grand-daughter; had nothing to do with my confession!”
“Now cousin, he was just asking you about Angel, he probably missed the child since she’s been gone, what’s wrong with that?”
“Oh please, he’s not about to find out from me! Why the hell he wants to know anyway?”
The old man felt annoyed by her behavior, slightly raised his voice. “Now Dodo, you went to confession, instead, you end up sinning even more. So why even bother?”
“Oh please! Lived to be one hundred one years – Seen all the shit and neat in this life, cursing a priest won’t make any difference.”
After she rushed to grab a large piece of wood, she said “Now, don’t you raise your crocodile voice on me either, or I will bust every dry bone in your body.”
Since he knew he was tramping on thin ice, he started walking away. Standing at at distant from her, he said,
“Can’t imagine what could have gone so wrong so early in the morning; just five in the mornin’ cousin.”
She yelled, “Your face is what’s wrong cousin! “It’s bad enough you’re drinking my coffee at five o’clock in the mornin’ – but you show up here with your shirt looking like dirt buying filth to talk about my damn business!”
He yelled back, “Your coffee? Couzin this is not your coffee! Remember, I planted, harvested and even grilled the coffee beans before I gave them to you.”
After she snatched the cup from him she said, “AND? Still wasn’t no damn coffee till I broiled the water and add the sugar. Then I had to serve you in my damn cup too! Plus, while you’re sitting here farting on my chair, I have to stare at your face, looking like a bee nest.”
“You’re sure one mean woman – don’t know how the hell you got married!” He said.
“What can I say couzin? “Been in training here in hell since I was a little girl, and just about to transition to heaven now; away from you. Ain’t an easy task either!”
“Heaven?” Her cousin answered. “ If I were the Good Old Lord, I wouldn’t let you live one million miles from me; you’ll probably take over!”
“Damn right I will! – After I marry Him! Now get off my land before I bust your lips!”
HEAVEN CAN WAIT!
“But you know what? I have to thank the big tall lady standing right in the ocean. Her name is Hattan.”
“Papy looking puzzled, then said: Who?”
“You don’t know her Gineer? You lived in the strange land, and you don’t’ know the Mother of the land? She’s a tall, green lady. And, she’s holding some fire in her hand!”
“Oh! You mean in “MAN “HATTAN?”
“Now Gineer, when I went to see her, she did not look like a “Man,” they even said she was a woman!”
“She’s in Manhattan, I said!”
“No Gineer, (Meaning engineer) she’s in the strange land. Auntie took me to see her before I came back here! I remember that morning as crystal clear, when she told me:
“Now I know you have a smart head on your shoulder, because since you were four years old, you would cry like a baby for your Mamma to let you pump her breast milk. But’ we found out two years later, after you bought your first set of goat, you were actually selling your mamma’s breast milk, to the dry breast mamma’s, so they can feed their newborn baby.”
“Really? I don’t remember that auntie.”
“Yes you did! In fact, when we asked you: “Where did you get all that money Girl?” You answered: “You guys thought I was retarded when I was pumping Mamma’s milk! “But, I was taking care of my business! “So that’s when we changed your name to “Smart-Girl”
“So what was your name before then?” My sister asked her.
“I just said it. My name was “Girl” before that! – My Mamma had nine boys before she finally had a girl, so she called me “Girl!” Like I was saying. Auntie said:
“I’m taking you to see another Smart girl, and she’s the mother of this strange land. You can talk to her, whenever we get there.”
When I got there, OMG! No wonder she’s called the mother of the land? She was a giant! But when I saw people walking in and out of her, I thought that was too disrespectful. Instead, I stood outside all day talking to her. So I said:
“Beautiful Smart Lady, my name is Smartgirl, and I’m from Haïti. It’s and Island down there on earth. “I see how you take care of your children, they have nice house and food all over the place. I’ve even spent hours picking up some quata and thyme (quarter and dime) from the ground since I’ve been here, and I have a few buckets filled with them now. I came to your country because back home they always said, anyone name American will never have to live in poverty. “You see, I would stay here because auntie is going to get me the green paper the Igration (Immigration) asked for, but I don’t want to stay. “It’s too damn cold in here! “Oh! I’m sorry for cursing front of you too! “So I want to go back home, but I want to live just like your children when I get there. So, I’m changing my name to Americannow, so you can help me too. Now, I have to tell you folks, and that’s an honest confession: “The moment I was done talking to her, this thought came to mind: “Why not go back to Haïti, and turn my people to Americannow too!
So I went back home with a plan. My mager friend had already told me I could send stuff to Haiti by boat. So, I started shipping the boxes of coins to papa, and all the empty spaghetti sauce, and alcohol bottles I had collected from all the stupid Haitian. I sent a message to auntie: “Heaven came down! Sale all the bottles, and help the poor. Save the rest, coming back home soon!” Do you remember what else I sent you auntie?
Auntie answered: You sent that thing that make the strange sound “tra-tra-tac, and “
Oh yes! I sent a typewriter, a camera, and the big light machine. I can even make a copy of my hand with it. I don’t remember what it’s called.”
Papy answered: “Are you referring to copy machine?”
“Gineer, you are a smart Man. How did you know? This is exactly what they call them too! “But I thank God I did that, because the day the tall blue eyes men came to the house, to ask me for the green paper; I only had a chance to get my money from under the mattress. But at the airport, when I walked through that machine, they had to pull me aside to ask me:
“What do you have on you?”
I answered them: “None of your damn business!
“They said: “Do you have over $10,000.00 on you?!”
So I answered them: “And why would I want to share this information with you – so you can have the Mafia come and rob me? I saw that on your TV one day, so don’t’ think I don’t I know what’s going on!!!”
After that, they placed me in a room, almost turned me upside down, in order to shake me like a yoyo. After they made me angry, “I took my bra off, and you know what else. After I bent over, I asked them:
“Do you want to see more?”
They all ran out of the room and told me: “Get dress! Get dress PLEASE!”
I looked at them and said “You Dumbo! It’s a good thing I’m getting a free ticket back home from you guys. I could have given you the green paper you asked for, instead I choose to give you a white piece of paper so you can sheep me back home for FREE!”
Then one of the guy who held my passport said: “Your name is Smartgirl, but you should have been called: “Smart mouth too!”
So I answered him: “No! For your info, that’s my little cousin’s nickname! “Even the angels call her by that name!” As she turned to me to say:
“Foufoune, I was talking about you!”
After we all laughed our heart out, my father finally asked her:
“But, how much money could you have saved in three years?”
“Hihihi! Papa was shipping me some mangoes and plantains, which I sold to the stupid Haïtian who lived there.” So between my three panties and my two bras, I had $25,741.03!!!”
Then she turned to auntie to say: “Auntie, did I tell you I saw “Richboy” working in a store there? He had a blue uniform on, and had to stand aaaall day on his feet. “So when I asked him:
“How much are you getting paid to stand on your precious feet for sooo long Richboy? He answered something like “A minus wave!” (Minimum wage)
“So I cursed him out, auntie – I sure did! “Why would you come in the strange land to freeze your butt off, while working for a minus something, when you have over twenty acres of land full of chicken, goat, plantain and shit?” “Anything with the sound of minus, can’t be profiting you that much?” He must have been embarrassed because he kept on looking on the floor. “That’s when I knew, I would rather save my money, in order to get the hell out of that strange land, before I freeze my but off, and go coucou like all the stupid Haïtian who lived there. “You know, most of them had to work two jobs just to pay the bills. And, whenever I saw them, they always look like a needle pen wrapped in a comforter. Honestly I could never understand what they were saying to me; They will say:
“How-how-how R-R-R You-hu-hu-hu?” Because their butt was freezing!” I would answer:
“Am-am N’ot Fa- ah- ah – ine! Because my but was freezing too.”
“So what type of business do you have American?” I curiously asked her.
“Hihihi! My name is not American, It’s “AmericanNOW!” “When I first came back to Haïti, I just place a sign in front of my front door: “DO YOU WANT TO BE AMERICANNOW?” The same day, I had over 400 people in front of my door. In fact I had to hire some helpers right away!
“But what do you do?” I asked her again.
“Wait! I’m telling you. “When they came in, I told them: “I just came back from the strange land, it’s not worth going up there, unless you want to go to school. “Told them about Richboy working for $5.00 an hour. Everybody said: “What? Now heaven is shitting!”
So after my speech, told them “The only way we can break this poverty spell off our Country, we will have to do the followings:
- First, let’s add Americannow to our name, we will be living just like the American, the only exception, “Our butt won’t be freezing like them.”
- We have to be willing to change our mentality – work together, in unify there is power.
- Let’s find a way to market our resources, the other Islands are already doing that, even though they are selling nothing but CRAP!
So for those who agreed, I only charged them $100.00 for the paper work. I gave them a green piece of paper with their picture on it. I also teach them how to speak their new language for free. But I call it “Frenchglish,” since there are many words I couldn’t even pronounce! We all had lands full of plantation, plus cow, chicken, goats… you name it. So we decided to open an “AmericanNOW Supermarket” just like in the strange land. With cool air and everything.
“You mean the Supermarkets in the City are for you guys?”
“Of course! We have four of them now. Finally coming to the Country side now! Have you noticed the “Rich People Freezer” near the back? I know you guys like your escargot, which we pick up for free around here. But only one thing, we don’t deal with foolishness. Anyone who refuse to let the country progress, we will blow their heads off! This is how we deal with the robbers. First, they must ask them these three questions:
- Are you hungry or homeless?
“If they are hungry, feed them. If they are homeless, send them to the shelter. “Give them this address for a job offer.”
“Then tell them: “Next time we will blow your head off!
- Is your child, your mamma or papa sick in the hospital?
“If they answered yes, send them to bill care.”
“If they said: “What the hell are you talking about? “Blow their heads off.”
- Do you or your child, or your younger brother, or sister want to go to school, perhaps you don’t have the money to pay …?
“If they say “yes” sent them to school care.
“If they answered: “Why the hell do I want to go to school for? “Blow – their -heads – off!!!”
The Americannow entreponor (entrepreneur) have zero tolerance for bull shit! After over 200 years of independence, Haïti must move forward!”
“Excuse me again for my bad language, Mr. & Ms. Gineer, auntie and the children! “Sometimes it’s only fitting to say a good “Shit!” Learn that from the Strange Land too!!!”
“Bless you my child!”
“Thank you – Achello!”
“Bless you again! But if I were you I would be concern about the way you sneeze.”
“Concern? I always say “Ac – Hello” when I sneeze. There are times I find myself saying “Ac –Ciel –lo!”
“Exactly what I thought! First, let me introduce myself. My name is sneezing! Therefore, I must inform you the words which you expressed whenever you sneeze is in direct coalition with your final destination. For example, You thought you said: “Hello!” What I heard was “Hell-o! Whenever my children call, I must appear.” So my question to you is: “How is your relationship with your creator?”
“Great! I go to church, I pray – in fact just last week, I climbed Jacob’s latter to heaven – Went to a trial for offending 19,000 plus angels Thank God for the blood of Jesus. I was completely forgiven.”
‘I hate to be the carrier of bad news my child, but if you were in good standing, your sneezed would have been the alternative: “Ac-Ciel-lo!” Which of course you know means heaven in your native language.”
“Really? I never heard such a thing before!”
“Well! We don’t speak that often, do we?”
“Oh please! My Brother sneeze “Akulanga! Are you telling me he’s in good standing? When hell is even afraid of him?”
“I would prefer we don’t involve your brother in this conversation. Last I remember, he tried to give me a Coup-D’état.”
“Is that so? How was .”
“Let’s change the subject, my child. “Anyway, did you say you climbed Jacob’s latter to heaven?”
“Yes I did, but I haven’t told a soul about it. I want to keep it all to myself.”
“Now I see, where the problem is. You are a selfish woman!”
“Yes you are! How could you have discovered the pathway to heaven, and wish to keep this good news all to yourself? “Ac-SatanME!”
“Did you just sneezed “Ac-SatanME?”
“So what I’m Satan?”
“What? Are you Satan? But you told me you were the sneezing.”
“Who told you to believe me? You knew I was a liar, didn’t you? Besides, have you not read: “I can transform myself into an angel of light?”
” I believed you because you.”
“You lack discernment dear, DISCERNMENT! And, why do you think I’ve been calling you my child – you sneezed
“HELL-O!” DID YOU NOT?”
“OMG! You are a liar, a thief, a”
“Blablabla -Yes I’m all of the above! “And about you, who’ve kept the road to heaven to yourself, and have not spread the Good News to others!
Picture this: I was six years old, living in Haïti. That day, I had serious business to handle. My doll needed a new dress, and I was pissed that I didn’t have any more fabric left. So after I ripped off one of my new socks and started sewing, my mother showed up with a short, dark, heavy-set, masculine looking woman. I thought she was there to punish me since I had just riped off my sock.
“Nadège,” my mom said. “Come and greet auntie Satanise!”
To be honest, when I turned to look at the woman, my mind completely blocked out the “ise” part of her name. Considering what she really looked like, I thought my mom actually said, “Come and greet your aunt Satan.” So, instead of walking toward her, I hesitantly said:
“You mean to say my uncle Sa?”
But before I could finish my sentence, my mom gave me her common daring stare. I knew better than to finish my sentence. So, instead of walking toward them both, I slooowly started to walk backward, until they had disappeared from my sight. Then, I ran inside the house as fast as I could, to grab my shoes, stormed back out from the side door. Yes, I ran all the way to the Cathedral Church, which was located right across our house.
Somehow, my mother always lived next to a church. I don’t know if it was because in Haiti there were so many live demons, or perhaps she might have reasoned: “With a daughter such as mine, I must have access to a nearby church !” Whichever was the case, Church has always been where I spent my favorite spare time. I recalled being the first child who went for confession by the age of five. I also remember begging the priest to partake in the Eucharist, before I even knew what Catechism was all about. Seriously, if a dog barked the wrong way, I would run to church, to confess on its behalf. So I knew all the priests in that parish by name. Well, at least the name I called them. Because I could never remember their real names, I gave them my own name. Most of which described their physical appearance. They didn’t care, because they still loved me anyway.
So now, I would like to share some examples of my confession, and my daily conversation with the Priests.
“Bonjour Father big nose, I have a big confession today!”
“Yes Angel, who did what?”
“My mom said a bad word this morning. My brother came home late last night again, and I pi on my bed last night, so the maid will have to wash more clothes today because of me. So I ask forgiveness.”
The priest: “You are forgiven my child.”
And I continued, “But today, I also want to confess for mother Mary.”
“Yes. you see Father, I was looking at her statue, but she did not wink her eyes. So I think she’s dead.”
Meanwhile, if father Red Skin was passing by, I would scream: “Hi father red skin, how are you doing today?”
“Fine, fine, my child! Are you confessing again?”
“Yes father red skin. I’m confessing for “Mother Mary. I don’t want her to drop baby Jesus on the floor because I think she died.”
Father Big Nose answered: “No my Angel. Remember, this is just a statue, so she won’t’ wink back. Our real mother Mary is in heaven with our Lord – but you’ll learn all about that from Catechism.”
“But father Big Nose, my great, great, great, grandfather Moses said, we should never pray to a statue”
“And I agree with your great, great….. Grandfather!
“HI FATHER Lag –uad- a; “Hi Father HEAVY TONGUE!”
“Hi T’Angel. Here for your t’dream toot’day?”
“No. I’m confessing. “Oh My God! I forgot to tell you father Big Nose, “The reason I’m here, is because “Satan is in my house!”
“Satan is in your house?”
“Yes. She came home with my mother. She has big nose, big ears, and gigantic eyes. She’s black and short. But she’s missing her horns. My mom called her auntie, and she wanted me to kiss her.”
“Well! If your mom called her auntie, and she does not have horns, she’s probably not Satan!”
“Yes she is. My mom just told me: “Come and kiss your auntie Satan!”
Father Big-Nose pause for a moment. “Mm! You said she’s a she?”
“Yes Father. My mom made a mistake and called her “She” but I was about to say she’s a “He” and she gave me the daring look.”
“Angel, perhaps she’s just a friend of your.”
Father Big-Nose, Pleaease give me some holy water so I can sprinkle on her; I’m scared of her, and I don’t want her to sleep at my house!”
“YOU, scared little angel? I find that hard to believe! I will give you the holy water, but just sprinkle your house, not her. Most of all, do what your mother ask of YOU!”
“Ok, father Big -Nose. See you later!”
When I arrived home, both, my mother and Satan-ise were sitting on the patio. So I kept on praying she would not come near me. As soon as my mother walked toward the back door, I heard Satan–ise said:
Nadege, bring me the comb so I can comb your hair. You’re going to your grandmother’s.”
“In your dream!” I whispered. ” You are NOT touching my hair!” Afterward, I ran in the backyard and begged the maid to comb my hair.
“Nadege, come and bathe!” Satan–ise yelled.
“In your dream! You are not washing me with your hell water!” Then, I rushed toward the back and throw some water on myself.
“Nadege, come and get dress!”
“NO, YOU – are- not- dressing me – YOU SATAN!” I finally yelled.
Just about the same time, my mother happened to be walking inside the house and heard me. So she said, “Who are you talking to Nadege?”
“To Satan Mahhhhhh!” I answered back. “I don’t want her to touch ME!”
“Wo is Satan?” My mom replied.
“Her. And I don’t want her to touch ME!”
“Her! She has a big nose, big ears, large eyes; and she’s only missing her horns.” When I saw my Mother’s face transformed, and heading for the belt, I grabbed my tiny bottle of holy water, and rushed toward Satanise to flush the blessed water all over her dress, and her legs.” But, to my surprise, she was still standing in front of me. That’s when I yelled:
“You are a bigger Satan than I thought!”
And when Mother noticed I was about to run back to the church, she grabbed me by my hair. But, I was so busy screaming, “You Satan, out of here! You Satan out of here!” Then both, my mother and Satanise started laughing hysterically. And, thank God, although my Mom was holding the belt, she could not manage to stop laughing long enough to give me the whooping which I had truly deserved.
I was furious at them. By then, my face looked like a car in bad need of a major tune-up. I just could not understand why my Mother was laughing with Satan. And why would she invite her to our house? So, I stood up with both hands on my hip to say:
“Laugh all you want, but you will see when father Big Nose comes here. He’s going to call aaaaalll the angels, and you’re going straight TO HELL!
I did not get a whooping that day. But I was banned from going to church for two weeks. At least, “So my mother thought!!!
As for Satanise, thank goodness she displayed a great sense of humor. Although, I don’t recall ever seeing her again.