short story

Out Of The Mouth Of Babe

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I knew a woman who despised her own daughter. When she told the love of her life she was pregnant with his second child, she was told he was getting married to another woman.” However, if the baby was to carry the father’s last name, the law required for him to marry after the baby was born.  So, at the father’s request, the wedding was postponed till July, after the baby’s birth.   Of course, his fiancé was not pleased as well.  So the poor child, even prior to her birth, had managed to anger two women, who would eventually despised her.

herbs

The pregnant woman was furious of course. In despair to get rid of the baby, she drunk every tea known in her custom to prevent the fetus from surviving, but that little fighter kept on living anyway. She had previously expressed her intention to give the baby away after birth, but her mother warned her: “You will not do such a thing, and I better don’t hear anything happened to that baby either!” So, past the midpoint of her pregnancy, after drinking multiple cups of tea daily, when the woman realized the remedies were hopeless, she decided to have an abortion which was performed in secret back then.

One early morning after she left her house, while no one knew where she went. On her way to the doctor’s office, she noticed a dark tall man starring at her. In fact, he came and sit right next to her on the bus. After a couple minutes of silence, he finally asked her:

“Why are you about to commit this heinous act?”

Somehow, she was not surprised she said. She thought he was a seer. So she answered: “My body is mine to do as I’m pleased.”

He said:” You are about to have a special baby girl, a gift which you should cherish.”

She was furious by then, so she answered: “I don’t’ care! And, even if she’s to become the Queen of this country, I still don’t want her!”

His answer: “Go ahead, do as you’ve planned; “If you can!!!”

abortion clinic

The woman claimed, as they both walked out of the bus, the man had disappeared. And later on, she was shocked to feel, just when about the time for the doctor to proceed with the abortion, the baby leaped in her womb, afterward kept on kicking. Finally, the doctor shook his head and said, “I cannot proceed with this procedure Mme. This baby is vividly alive, and constantly playing soccer in your womb. Besides, you would risk losing not only the baby, but your life as well, if I proceed.” She was furious of course. And when she went back home, she said she had one goal: “One way or the other, I will get rid of this baby.”

She continued her quest, she drunk several cups of tea daily.  By her house was an unfinished wall, tall enough for her to jump off every morning. But, that little soccer player not only lived full term, she was also overdue. By then, the baby’s grandmother who closely monitored her pregnancy, had a dream one night. She saw a beautiful woman with a blue shawl, sprinkled with gold stars, came to tell her: “Be aware Idovia – the baby will be born tomorrow, and it will be a girl.” Immediately the old lady woke up, and sent news ahead: “Go tell that witch, who is my daughter, “The baby will be born today, and I’m on my way, and I better don’t see a scratch on her when I get there!” As the old lady heard in the dream, it was so. On the same day, while the woman was drinking her last cup of murder tea, she went into labor, and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. But she still wanted no part of her. Thankfully, the old lady was there to grab the baby from the woman. Then the old lady chose one of her best friend, to be the girl’s God-Mother, who also loved her dearly. Her father continued to care for her, although he married the other woman, a couple months later.

The little girl was special indeed. She had a heart full of love and compassion for everyone around her, particularly for the poor. Quite often, she had vision, and vivid dreams about her surrounding and the future. She was loved by everyone, with the exception of her mother. Unfortunately, the woman’s heart was so hardened against the child that she would never learn to love her daughter. But, the Almighty’s sense of humor should never be questioned. For He gave the little girl a gift of genuineness, which was enough to drive her mother insane!

  • At three she would tell her mother whom she called auntie: “I can see angel’s auntie, but you will see demons because you are not nice to me.”
  • At four, she would not drink tea, instead she will answer: “Drunk enough tea from auntie’s stomach, now am immune to poison.”
  • At five after a butt whooping, she would tell her: “You are too mean, and God don’t like evil, so don’t blame me if He calls you home today.” (Thank God, her grandmother kept her away for a couple weeks.)
  • At five, when the milk lady came to collect her money, and when her brother told the lady: “Mom is not here, and she forgot to leave the milk money.” The little girl answered, “Why are you lying? Mom is right behind the door lady, think she was waiting for you, since she saw you coming!”
  • At six, after she dreamed her mother was leaving in a plane, she ran toward her mother with excitement to tell her:

“A man with long hair just told me “You see that plane up there, your mother will soon get in that plane, for she wil travel to a faraway land.” The mother who was talking to a friend slapped the girl on her lips. When the girl asked her “Why did you slapped me for? It’s the truth” The mother replied:” Because you are talking about my damn business”. The girl then said: “If it was only your damn business, the old man wouldn’t have told me about it!”

“You say one more word, and I will cut off that smart tongue of yours. Go head, just one more word!” The mother said out of anger.

The girl remained quiet for a moment, then she walked back toward her bed to lay down. The mother yelled, “Why did you go back to bed? It’s time to get up!”

The young girl answered: “I know. But I went back to bed to see if I can go back to sleep, because I  forgot to ask the old man something.”

“What did you forget to ask him? Get off the bed I said.”

The girl answered: I forgot to ask him if you were coming back after you left iin that plane? “If so, could he use his magic to make sure you never come back!”

The end of the story: “Let say it was a good thing the little girl was able to run at the speed of lightning to the church next door!” LOL

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Heaven Can Wait!

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“Idovia” was my maternal grandmother’s name, but we called her “Dodo.” I must admit, she was a unique character.  One thing for sure, she didn’t bargain with nonsense, and her tongue was as sharp as a two-edged swords. Furthermore, her fearsome stares were like murder attempts, so everyone knew not to piss her off whenever she was having a bad day.

After reading this story, you should pretty much sum up my Grandmother’s character. Enjoy!

“Now, Dodo what is it I heard you cursed the priest during your confession?” She was asked by one of my great uncles. 100_5218

As she pulled her donkey toward the gigantic mango tree, she did not even bother to turn her head back while she murmured, “Is it your damn business whether I cursed the priest or the angels?”

Her cousin replied, “You think you’re a tough old lady, but one of these days, the Good Old Lord will bargain with you couzin!”

After she tied the donkey, she slowly walks back toward him. Her bow legs were notable, which made her look even shorter standing next to him, but she was always fearless.  She then placed both hands on her hip,

Yes, I’m as tough and raw as a steak, and stubborn as a mule. The Good Old Lord created me just like that, you have a proble with that? “Besides, that damn priest was asking me about my grand-daughter; had nothing to do with my confession!”

“Now cousin, he was just asking you about Angel, he probably missed the child since she’s been gone, what’s wrong with that?”

“Oh please, he’s not about to find out from me! Why the hell he wants to know anyway?”

The old man felt annoyed by her behavior, slightly raised his voice. “Now Dodo, you went to confession, instead, you end up sinning even more. So why even bother?”

“Oh please! Lived to be one hundred one years – Seen all the shit and neat in this life, cursing a priest won’t make any difference.”

After she rushed to grab a large piece of wood, she said “Now, don’t you raise your crocodile voice on me either, or I will bust every dry bone in your body.”

Since he knew he was tramping on thin ice, he started walking away. Standing at at distant from her, he said,

“Can’t imagine what could have gone so wrong so early in the morning; just five in the mornin’ cousin.”

She yelled, “Your face is what’s wrong cousin! “It’s bad enough you’re drinking my coffee at five o’clock in the mornin’ – but you show up here with your shirt looking like dirt buying filth to talk about my damn business!”

He yelled back, “Your coffee?  Couzin this is not your coffee! Remember, I planted, harvested and even grilled the coffee beans before I gave them to you.”

After she snatched the cup from him she said, “AND? Still wasn’t no damn coffee till I broiled the water and add the sugar. Then I had to serve you in my damn cup too! Plus, while you’re sitting here farting on my chair, I have to stare at your face, looking like a bee nest.”

“You’re sure one mean woman – don’t know how the hell you got married!” He said.

“What can I say couzin? “Been in training here in hell since I was a little girl, and just about to transition to heaven now; away from you. Ain’t an easy task either!”

“Heaven?” Her cousin answered. “ If I were the Good Old Lord, I wouldn’t let you live one million miles from me; you’ll probably take over!”

“Damn right I will!  – After I marry Him! Now get off my land before I bust your lips!”

roses

HEAVEN CAN WAIT!

The Wise Old Lady

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Wealth

“I can’t keep you; hear my Bee. Can’t pay for your school, can hardly feed the both of us child. So you go to those rich folks. Ok? You’ll help them with the household, in exchange for a good education. Hear me child?”

The old woman packed one pink toothbrush, three little dresses, one sleep gown, four underwear, one slipper, her church shoes, and a little box full of ribbons and barrettes. Took them three hours to reach the Manière’s mention in the City – Between the gate and the front door, they had to walk about thirty more minutes, to finally ring the bell.  With tears running down her cheeks, the old lady left her granddaughter with Ms. Manière, trusting she will treat her well

After the old lady left, Ms. Manière gave Bee a distant look. Then she told her: “Your room is outside with the other maids.” You are to mop the floor, and care for the children  rooms. The girls whom you will refer to as “Miss” are between the age of nine and fifteen, and there are five of them. More likely, their errands will be under your care, because they love their little sweets.”

Bee had been with the Manière’s for nine Months. She walks about two miles in the hot sun, at least six times per day. Her little slippers is torn, she’s now wearing her Sunday shoes which is falling apart. Bee is so skinny now, whenever she wears one of her little dress, she looks like a needle lost, inside a large barn of rice. To be honest, even size zero would have to be redefined for her sake. Of course, the dark circle under her eyes makes her look even much older for her age. She goes to sleep late, and must be up by five in the morning to assist with breakfast. Lastly, Bee was never sent to school.  Ms. Manière always said: “Perhaps, next semester.”

One summer day, it was Bee’s birthday, no one cared. By eleven O’clock, she had already walked to the corner store four times. When she was called by one of the girl for another errand, she answered: “Hell no! Take your lazy self from your rooms, or drive one of your three cars, and go buy your damn cookie yourself!” They were shocked! And when one of the girls attempted to slap her, Bee held her hand and scratched a big chunk of her skin with her nails.   When Ms. Manière heard the commotion, she grabbed her belt and called Bee for a butt whooping. To her surprise, Bee held the belt, and bite the crap out of her hands. While screaming: “I want to go HOME!”

A messenger was sent to the poor Grandmother in the countryside. “Urgent. Come to the City ASAP!”  The old lady thinking the worse, yet felt relieved to see her granddaughter still alive. Although she was speechless when she noted her malnourished condition.

“Look what your granddaughter did to us! Both her nails and teeth scarves on our skin. After all we’ve done for her.”

“Bee, take your clothes, and let’s go! The old woman said calmly.” I will give you a butt whooping when we get home. “Been know better than that child! “Anyway, some words are best spoken at home, then foreign Camp.Lets go!”

“Yes. Said Ms. Manière. “You fix her, then bring her back!.”

As soon as they left the gate. The grandmother opened the bag to identify the two little dresses. The box of barrettes were still untouched. The slipper was gone. She noticed what was left of her Sunday shoes, tied with a cord on her feet. Then she asked her granddaughter:

“How you do in school child?”

“I never went to school Mamma.”

“How far was a boiling pot of water from where you bite her?”

The grand-daughter answered: “ She was in her room with the belt when she called me, Mamma.”

The Grandmother answered: “Did the belt have a metal hook?”

“Why do you ask Mamma?”

“Now girl, been going to Sunday school aaall your life. God been told his children the Israelites, not to even touch pork meat. And you went and bite it; not even cook, but raw? Now you been know better than that child! You risk contaminating yourself and all your offspring child!”

After a couple Months, Ms. Manière sent another messenger.” “Is she ready to come back yet? School is about to start.”

The old lady answered: “The donkey was so tired, after one lash she fell dead on the floor. I’m sending you a bag of her remains!”

I don’t know what was in the bag, but I could smell it all the way from California. While this incident happened in Haïti.

The Damn Smart Boy!

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boy thinking

Three young boys living in extreme poverty in Haïti. When asked “If you had a chance to go to school, what would be your major?

The first one answered: “ I would like to be a doctor, so I can contribute my skills to help the poor, while I live a comfortable life.”

The second one answered: “My seven siblings and I are living in one small room. I would like to be an engineer so I can build my mother a big house, and pay for my siblings’ education.”

The third one looked at both of them as if they were crazy. Then he answered: “I would like to be the first millionaire in hell!”

“What?” Why would you want to be a millionaire in HELL?

“Because in hell everyone is hot and constantly thirsty. I would open a water store there, so even Satan would become my friend.”

Wacaroti & Wawoloti – 2016 Brain New Car!

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spaghetti car

When my grandson claimed he was hungry and was asked: “I thought you just ate dinner?”

He answered me, “Gamma, you know I had some wacaroti!”

“Wacaroti – you mean macaroni?  But, your mom made spaghetti, not macaroni.”

“No gamma, Not tageti – We hat wa-ca-ro-ti I taid!”

“My apology dear! I was under the impression the long skinny flour mud you were pulling in your mouth earlier, was called spaghetti. And the little stars which you love to eat, with lots and lots of cheese, were called macaroni.”

“Tat totay gamma, tyou don’t need to wawoloti (to apology). Text time just task me how to tay tit. I will tit tyou – Ok gamma. Tyou know “I’m a smard, smard boy!”

Translation: “It’s ok Granma, you don’t need to apologize. Next time just ask me how to say it, and I will teach you – Ok gamma. You know I’m a smart, smart boy!”

“Yes you are. In fact, Japan should tikle your brain for the name of their new car. Better yet, perhaps they should ask you permission to use “wacaroti or wawoloti” for their 2016 model.”

“Yes gamma! You are a tenuis! I twant a wacaroti car; a dlue one, your faaavorite tolor!”

Tranlation: “Yes grandma, you are a genius. I want a spaghetti car. A blue one. Your faaavorite color!”

So here you have it! If you happen to see “wacaroti or wawoloti” new car driving around, it’s my grandson invention. Watch out for the driver of the sky blue model!

Interesting Conversation – Phase II

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I said Hell – Low!!!

“Believe me, I heard you the first time! But, did you realized you just said “Hell-Low” instead of Hello?”

Yeah! I’m the official marketing director for Hell. So I try to included Hell, in everything I  hell say. You know the hell I’m talking about? So hell, may lllllling-ger around, even after I get the hell away from you!”

“What a discussing thing to do? No wonder you look like death with your skeleton self!”

death angel

“The hell excuse me dear! I don’t look like death.  But I aaaam DEATH! “I have no flesh,  no guts, plus I’m deaf. Well! – Partially deaf.  I can only hear dialogs like we’re having. But when it comes to begging, weeping and sobbing, I can’t hear a thing.”

“Mmm! I wonder why?”

“The hell you’re slow! Do I have to spell it out to you? My job requires me to confirm “You- are –dead.  Mort. Mortuum. Muerto. Morto. Tot. Marbh!!! You get my point? Yes. So your family won’t have to burry you alive.  You know the scripture: “For dust you are and to dust you will return.”  Yap! This is my hellish job – But you guys sure hate me for that! The hell with you all!”

“Death, what do you expect from us – you are bad news!”

“The hell I am NOT! That highmighty, “cette prétencieuse” self righteous woman who summoned me here today, is the carrier of bad news. She’s the one who keeps up with time, to serve me with the Life termination notice. Read a sample below:

“Hey dark soul! Please see below.

 Death Termination Notice For:

Name … Address… Specific time…Soul level Light __________  Or Darkness _______”

P.S. “Don’t show up before your time.  I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE!”

 So you see, after LIFE takes herself out of the equation, I show up. My job is to test the flesh, and place my dead seal on it. And I’m done.  The spirit does it share, while the soul angel does his, way before I came in the picture. But I’m am called the bad guy!”

“I can see your point of view.  I noticed you tend to speak with a French accent, by any chance ar?”

“So you can herirt? Oh yers, yers! Although I’m nort Frenrch but I practiced the accenrt, so people will tendrr to pay atterntion to my voirce, and nort my face! Burt, if you “Ma Belle” don’t minerr, for nowr I wilr speark writ my nartive accenrt instead; since it hurt my tongre, and my bott when I speark writ a French Accenrt.”

 “Did you say “it hurt you tongue and your butt when “

 “The hell it does. But I only use it when I want to impress ladies.  I once tried it on LIFE, but she did not budge. I can’t stand her beautiful self-righteous hell self.”

 “Life, I would not budge either. You are not a handsome dude. Plus, from what she told me, she keeps company with the sun, the stars, oppor”

Yeah –yeah-yeah!  HEARD IT ALL! I work for the “Big Guy” too, you know. But you guys think Satan is my boss.  IT IS WRITTEN: “The Lord has made all for Himself. Yes, even the wicked for the day of doom.” HE”S a wise one, I tell you. Ok. I admit it. My company is more on the dark side. Spirits such as “Never enough, harassment, insanity, and every freak from the cemetery call me their friend.  Look at me? I’m doomed for darkness! LIFE, LIGHT, BEAUTY,  and not even WISDOM seek my company. I live in darkness, doomed for eternity; away from the Son, the merciful Lord.”

“DEATH, I’m assuming you’ve fallen from grace, was due to your past faulty actions. Perhaps, even too late to make amend. So I don’t really believe everything you saying, all I know you’re probably part of the lying spirits. And again, you still marketing for hell, instead of heaven, how so?”

“Oh well! Misery loves company! Hell! – I don’t live in hell – but I keep company with same like spirits. Haven’t you heard: “Tell me who your friends are, and I sure the hell will tell you who you are.” Yes, I have plenty of friends from there, and I intend to draw many more. It’s too late to make amends anyway. Was it Michelangelo who said: “If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master?” So I have my reasons to believe, TIME is sure not going to give me another chance. TIME lost, is lost indeed. So one should be mindful to use it wisely  while still living. For the memory of the dead are forgotten. So my advice to you “Ma Belle,” practice doing good, not evil. Yap, it’s too late for me! But, I tell you, TIME IS A THIEF!”

“TIME is a blessing – TIME is favor – TIME is a good TIMe – TIME is appointed – Did someone Called TIME?”

To be continued.