It’s something about the truth that people just can’t digest well. And, for the life of me, I still can’t understand why?
Yes, there are times when the truth does hurt like a shooting bullet. But, at least I’m not serving you a bologna sandwich layered with soaked iceberg lettuce, glazed with cheap mustard and room temperature mayo.
So, here is my dilemma.
I told you guys I was working right?
Well, if I haven’t, it’s probably because I’m still trying to classify my new job between these two categories:
- Either as the book of “JOB” found in the Bible. Or;
- As volunteer hours with the Dollar ($) sign compensation stamped on my check stub.
Although for the most part, I do enjoy my daily routine at work, but God still has to do some serious explaning to do.
Yes, I do love the fact that I have a chance to interact with different characters. It’s like watching a different movie every hour, truly every day is unique. I also get my daily exercise walking back and forth from one unit to another. While all along I dance with humor and play my favorite culinary role as a make believe CHEF.
In fact, one of my clients can eat pork chop every second of the day. Frankly, I don’t know why I even bother to ask him “What do you want to eat today?”
And, while he rubs his knees, he will smile to say “Some Pork-CHOP!”
With his eyes shining like the sun in its full glory overshadow his whole face. I can’t help but laugh.
On the other hands, this morning after I took one of my patient blood pressure, and he noted the result was sky-high he said to me, “It’s too high don’t you think?”
To make him laugh, I answered back, “You’ve been doing this longer than I have, so YOU should tell me!”
“But” He said hesitantly, “You- You are the nurse, aren’t you?”
“A NURSE!” I yelled. “Do I look like a nurse to you?”
“Well, I think you do.”
I said to him, “Remember when I told you this certificate was for survival purpose only, but my major was in the paralegal field?”
“Yes, but I thought you would change your mind by now.”
“Change my mind?” I made sure I place both of my hands upon my hip to portray my discontentment.
“You hurt my feeling.” He said.
I guess he was serious, because of his sad countenance. So you think this was the time when any sensitive normal human being would lie their way out of the situation. But, I guess it was unfortunate for him. Because the fact is, as you may all be aware by now, I’m pretty much an abnormal person.
My philosophy? Yes, the truth does hurt. But the truth when sprinkled with a little consideration and humor can be liberating as well. So I said to him,
“Come on! I’m a Moses by inheritance, so the law runs through my veins, and nature is my passion, so that’s why I’m an artist. You remember Moses, he ruled over both the law and nature. so, don’t you want me to be happy?”
“Of course, I want.”
I purposely interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.
He quickly raised his head to stare at me with a shocking expression on his face. But, I acted as if I didn’t notice and kept on talking.
“Besides, if I keep this job I would be confine to roommate with the scorpions and the cactus in this desert, and even then I might still get an eviction notice from my landlord.”
“NADEGE!” He yelled. While laughing his heart out.
“Now who’s going to take care of us – make us laugh like you do?”
I answered, “Don’t worry, I intend to have even the Mayor of this City at your service. The elevator is now working isn’t it?”
He answered with a smile “Sure is – sure is!”
So you see! “Forest Gump Mamma said: “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
I answered, “I agree, but should that stop me from singing: “These are a few of my favorite things!!!”
Ok. A couple months ago I thought I died and went to heaven, but I was wrong. This whole week, while driving to work, my face felt like a burnt toast ready to be trashed. So when I realized I was in hell, I started screaming for “HELP!”
“CALIFORNIA, YOU GOT SOME XPLAININ TO DO!!!
Yes, I just relocated from Florida, “So why am I back in hell?” I asked.
One of the rattlesnakes crawling on the ground answered back, “You fool, can’t you tell you’re work in the desert, and where you’re ssss’standing, hell resides right below?”
“Are you Hellish kidding me?” I said to him.
But after he slapped his flaky chest he said: “Hey, you Island girl! Do I look like I have time to Kidd around? With my tail constantly sprinkled with jalapeno peppers and grilled well done?”
“Wow!” I said. “No wonder it feels like 9,000 degrees Fahrenheit here.”
“You think this is hot; wait till you feel 11,000 degrees!”
“You can’t be serious? I better start calling on Father Abraham for help then!”
“Father Abraham? This is California, remember? You better call on Santa Monica or San Diego?”
“Yes, but in the Bible, when the rich man was tormented in hades, he looked up to Abraham and asked him to, “Have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’
“Exactly. La-za-rus – Got it? Spanish name.”
Suddenly, a red-tailed hawk made his appearance. He had a restless stare on his face, as if we were disturbing his nap time.
“Oh yeah!” He said. “ Are you one of the rich spoiled brat from Fleau-rida?”
“No, ssss’she’s from the Islands.” The Rattle snake answered.
But the hawk replied, “No, she’s from Fleau-rida. If this was not the case, she would have melted here long time ago!”
“No stupid.” The rattke snake said. “The Islands can be like hell on earth, don’t you know that? They have both of hell combination; heat and poverty”
“OK that’s enough!” I yelled.
To my surprise, they both shut up. Well! At least for a few seconds. Till the hawk calmly walked toward me to say, “Bet it’s not too late to call on San Diego for some help!”
“San Diego? But, the rattle snake over there told me to call on Santa.”
“No. Santa Monica.”
“Hell!” I heard from behind me. When I turned back, it was a Leopard frog.
“This is California, so as long as you place a “SAN” before any name, you’ll call on a Saint. Last I called on SAN Hagar, a well of water made its appearance right here in the desert.”
Great! So let me call on San Mahatma to warn my siblings not to join me in this heat.”
Then, a sagebrush answered from a distant, “Child, they have the Dalai Lama, let them listen to him. At least he’s still alive!”
“No fools!” The Leopard frog yelled. “This is California remember? So for God’s sake you need to call on “SAN BERNADINO!!!”
The sagebrush yelled back “God’s sake?”” It’s too late for that, don’t you think? She’s from the Island!!!”
“Will you all SHUT UP! I’m burning here!” I yelled from the top of my lungs.
They all whispered back:
“And, she’s wondering why she’s in hell?”
I just gave away my last drop of blood. Yes, it was part of the pre-employment screening process for my new job.
And, as if that wasn’t enough for them, I had to deliver a loaf made from my skin as well.
That’s when I thought to myself, “I guess I should have saved some of my nails clipped from my last manicure too?”
Suddenly I heard, “Sure! And don’t forget a few string from your bushy hair as well.”
So I answered, “My hair too? Wow! “I should be compensated for?”
“For what?” She interrupted.
“For all that torture I’ve suffered so far. “You know? The pain from the pocking, skin slicing, and now my bald head?”
But she said. “That’s why we only hire senior citizens; because we figured they should be used to all that by now.”
Can you believe that ruthless “Faker nurse?” The nerve of her!
It’s a good thing I was smart enough to be as fake as she was.
Yes, sometimes you just have to learn how to be prepared for tragedy.
So for my blood, I gave her an ounce of rat blood.
Instead of my hair, she clipped a piece of my weave.
And, as for my nails, they were snatched from a senior citizen cat, who belong to my next door neighbor.
“Are you sure those are your nails?” She asked me.
“They are as old as I am.” I answered her smiling.
So, did I get the job?
“Of course, I did!”
I just relocated to Hollywood, remember? The City of make believe!!!
I said Hell – Low!!!
“Believe me, I heard you the first time! But, did you realized you just said “Hell-Low” instead of Hello?”
Yeah! I’m the official marketing director for Hell. So I try to included Hell, in everything I hell say. You know the hell I’m talking about? So hell, may lllllling-ger around, even after I get the hell away from you!”
“What a discussing thing to do? No wonder you look like death with your skeleton self!”
“The hell excuse me dear! I don’t look like death. But I aaaam DEATH! “I have no flesh, no guts, plus I’m deaf. Well! – Partially deaf. I can only hear dialogs like we’re having. But when it comes to begging, weeping and sobbing, I can’t hear a thing.”
“Mmm! I wonder why?”
“The hell you’re slow! Do I have to spell it out to you? My job requires me to confirm “You- are –dead. Mort. Mortuum. Muerto. Morto. Tot. Marbh!!! You get my point? Yes. So your family won’t have to burry you alive. You know the scripture: “For dust you are and to dust you will return.” Yap! This is my hellish job – But you guys sure hate me for that! The hell with you all!”
“Death, what do you expect from us – you are bad news!”
“The hell I am NOT! That highmighty, “cette prétencieuse” self righteous woman who summoned me here today, is the carrier of bad news. She’s the one who keeps up with time, to serve me with the Life termination notice. Read a sample below:
“Hey dark soul! Please see below.
Death Termination Notice For:
Name … Address… Specific time…Soul level Light __________ Or Darkness _______”
P.S. “Don’t show up before your time. I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE!”
So you see, after LIFE takes herself out of the equation, I show up. My job is to test the flesh, and place my dead seal on it. And I’m done. The spirit does it share, while the soul angel does his, way before I came in the picture. But I’m am called the bad guy!”
“I can see your point of view. I noticed you tend to speak with a French accent, by any chance ar?”
“So you can herirt? Oh yers, yers! Although I’m nort Frenrch but I practiced the accenrt, so people will tendrr to pay atterntion to my voirce, and nort my face! Burt, if you “Ma Belle” don’t minerr, for nowr I wilr speark writ my nartive accenrt instead; since it hurt my tongre, and my bott when I speark writ a French Accenrt.”
“Did you say “it hurt you tongue and your butt when “
“The hell it does. But I only use it when I want to impress ladies. I once tried it on LIFE, but she did not budge. I can’t stand her beautiful self-righteous hell self.”
“Life, I would not budge either. You are not a handsome dude. Plus, from what she told me, she keeps company with the sun, the stars, oppor”
Yeah –yeah-yeah! HEARD IT ALL! I work for the “Big Guy” too, you know. But you guys think Satan is my boss. IT IS WRITTEN: “The Lord has made all for Himself. Yes, even the wicked for the day of doom.” HE”S a wise one, I tell you. Ok. I admit it. My company is more on the dark side. Spirits such as “Never enough, harassment, insanity, and every freak from the cemetery call me their friend. Look at me? I’m doomed for darkness! LIFE, LIGHT, BEAUTY, and not even WISDOM seek my company. I live in darkness, doomed for eternity; away from the Son, the merciful Lord.”
“DEATH, I’m assuming you’ve fallen from grace, was due to your past faulty actions. Perhaps, even too late to make amend. So I don’t really believe everything you saying, all I know you’re probably part of the lying spirits. And again, you still marketing for hell, instead of heaven, how so?”
“Oh well! Misery loves company! Hell! – I don’t live in hell – but I keep company with same like spirits. Haven’t you heard: “Tell me who your friends are, and I sure the hell will tell you who you are.” Yes, I have plenty of friends from there, and I intend to draw many more. It’s too late to make amends anyway. Was it Michelangelo who said: “If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master?” So I have my reasons to believe, TIME is sure not going to give me another chance. TIME lost, is lost indeed. So one should be mindful to use it wisely while still living. For the memory of the dead are forgotten. So my advice to you “Ma Belle,” practice doing good, not evil. Yap, it’s too late for me! But, I tell you, TIME IS A THIEF!”
“TIME is a blessing – TIME is favor – TIME is a good TIMe – TIME is appointed – Did someone Called TIME?”
To be continued.