culture

“Life Is A Box Of Chocolates…”

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chocolate jpg

It’s something about the truth  that people just can’t digest well. And, for the life of me, I still can’t understand why?

Yes, there are times when the truth does hurt like a shooting bullet. But, at least I’m not serving you a bologna sandwich layered with soaked iceberg lettuce, glazed with cheap mustard and room temperature mayo.

So, here is my dilemma.

I told you guys I was working right?

Well, if I haven’t, it’s probably because I’m still trying to classify my new job between these two categories:

  1. Either as the book of “JOB” found in the Bible. Or;
  2.  As  volunteer hours with the Dollar ($) sign compensation stamped on my check stub.

Although for the most part, I do enjoy my daily routine at work, but God still has to do some serious explaning to do.

Yes, I  do love the fact that I have a chance to interact with different characters. It’s like watching a different movie every hour, truly every day is unique. I also get my daily exercise walking back and forth from one unit to another. While all along I dance with humor and play my favorite culinary role as a make believe CHEF.

In fact, one of my clients can eat pork chop every second of the day. Frankly, I don’t know why I even bother to ask him “What do you want to eat today?”

And, while he rubs his knees, he will smile to say “Some Pork-CHOP!”

With his eyes shining like the sun in its full glory overshadow his whole face. I can’t help but laugh.

On the other hands, this morning after I took one of my patient blood pressure, and he noted the result was sky-high he said to me, “It’s too high don’t you think?”

To make him laugh, I answered  back, “You’ve been doing this longer than I have, so YOU should tell me!”

“But” He said hesitantly, “You- You are the nurse, aren’t you?”

“A NURSE!” I yelled. “Do I look like a nurse to you?”

“Well, I think you do.”

I said to him, “Remember when I told you this certificate was for survival purpose only, but my major was in the paralegal field?”

“Yes, but I thought you would change your mind by now.”

“Change my mind?” I made sure I place both of my hands upon my hip to portray my discontentment.

“You hurt my feeling.” He said.

I guess he was serious, because of his sad countenance. So you think this was the time when any sensitive normal human being would lie their way out of the situation. But, I guess it was unfortunate for him. Because the fact is, as you may all be aware by now, I’m pretty much an abnormal person.

My philosophy? Yes, the truth does hurt. But the truth when sprinkled with a little consideration and humor can be liberating as well. So I said to him,

“Come on! I’m a Moses by inheritance, so the law runs through my veins, and nature is my passion, so that’s why I’m an artist.  You remember Moses, he ruled over both the law and nature. so, don’t you want me to be happy?”

“Of course, I want.”

I purposely interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

He quickly raised his head to stare at me with a shocking expression on his face. But, I acted as if I didn’t notice and kept on talking.

“Besides, if I keep this job I would be confine to roommate with the scorpions and the cactus in this desert, and even then I might still get an eviction notice from my landlord.”

“NADEGE!” He yelled. While laughing his heart out.

“Now who’s going to take care of us – make us laugh like you do?”

I answered, “Don’t worry, I intend to have even the Mayor of this City at your service. The elevator is now working isn’t it?”

He answered with a smile “Sure is – sure is!”

So you see! “Forest Gump Mamma said: “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

I answered, “I agree, but should that stop me from singing: “These are a few of my favorite things!!!”

stars

 

 

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CALIFORNIA YOU GOT SOME X-PLAININ’N TO DO!!!

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Ok. A couple months ago I thought I died and went to heaven, but I was wrong.  This whole week, while driving to work, my face felt like a burnt toast ready to be trashed. So when I realized I was in hell, I started screaming for  “HELP!”

“CALIFORNIA, YOU GOT SOME XPLAININ TO DO!!!

hell

Yes, I just relocated from Florida, “So why am I back in  hell?” I asked.

One of the rattlesnakes crawling on the ground answered back, “You fool, can’t you tell you’re work in  the desert,  and where you’re ssss’standing,  hell resides right below?”

“Are you Hellish kidding me?” I said to him.

But after he slapped his flaky chest he said: “Hey, you Island girl! Do I look like I have time to Kidd around? With  my tail constantly sprinkled with jalapeno peppers and grilled well done?”

“Wow!” I said. “No wonder it feels like 9,000 degrees Fahrenheit here.”

“You think this is hot; wait till you feel 11,000 degrees!”

“You can’t be serious? I better start calling on Father Abraham for help then!”

“Father Abraham? This is California, remember? You better call on Santa Monica or San Diego?”

Saint_Augustine_and_Saint_Monica

 

“Yes, but in the Bible, when the rich man was tormented in hades, he looked up to Abraham and asked him to, “Have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

“Exactly. La-za-rus – Got it? Spanish name.”

Suddenly, a red-tailed hawk made his appearance. He had a restless stare on his face, as if we were disturbing his nap time.

“Oh yeah!” He said. “ Are you one of the rich spoiled brat from Fleau-rida?”

“No, ssss’she’s from the Islands.” The Rattle snake answered.

But the hawk replied, “No, she’s from Fleau-rida. If this was not the case, she would have melted here long time ago!”

“No stupid.” The rattke snake said. “The Islands can be like hell on earth, don’t you know that? They have both of hell combination; heat and poverty”

“OK that’s enough!” I yelled.

To my surprise, they both shut up. Well! At least for a few seconds. Till the hawk calmly walked toward me to say,  “Bet it’s not too late to call on San Diego for some help!”

“San Diego? But, the rattle snake over there told me to call on Santa.”

“Santa Clara?”

“No. Santa Monica.”

“Hell!” I heard from behind me. When I turned back, it was a Leopard frog.

“This is California, so as long as you place a “SAN” before any name, you’ll call on a Saint. Last I called on SAN Hagar, a well of water made its appearance right here in the desert.”

Great! So let me call on San Mahatma to warn my siblings not to join me in this heat.”

Then, a sagebrush answered from a distant, “Child, they have the Dalai Lama, let them listen to him. At least he’s still alive!”

“No fools!” The Leopard frog yelled. “This is California remember? So for God’s sake you need to call on “SAN BERNADINO!!!”

san bernadino

The sagebrush yelled back “God’s sake?”” It’s too late for that, don’t you think? She’s  from the Island!!!”

“Will you all SHUT UP! I’m burning here!” I yelled from the top of my lungs.

They all whispered back:

“And, she’s wondering why she’s in hell?”

 

 

HOLD ON – STOP THE PRESS!!!

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“Hold on, stop the press!” I borrowed this quote from my girlfriend Marie-Flore. I will write about the few days spent at her house while I was in CA later. But today, I want to address the Trump dilemma; America’s latest tragedy.

Tree glowing

Sorry guys, I haven’t been able to write since my return from California.  I’ve been preoccupied with my new invention. Yes, since I’m from the Caribbean and Mr. Suntan happen to be my best friend, I thought I better start researching an herbal skin bleach; just in case Donald Trump is elected president.
Donald Trump presidential slogan is: “Make America great again.” Assuming he’ll get rid of the foreigners. I find this interesting since Mr. Trump himself is the son of immigrants?
According to CNN, “Trump’ mother was born in Scotland. “In 1930, an 18-year-old Mary MacLeod sailed for America from Glasgow on the S.S. Transylvania, according to a copy of the ship’s passenger list on Ancestry.com. MacLeod arrived in New York and married Fred Trump, the son of German immigrants himself.”

Hold on! Stop the press!!!
Trump also claimed, “My grandfather Frederick Trump came to the United States in 1885.”
About his WIFE? CNN also stated, “Melania Trump moved to New York about 20 years ago.”

Yes, Donald Trump fell in love with the immigrant, Slovenian-born model, and they had an extravagant wedding ceremony. Guilty as charged, I was among million who watched the wedding ceremony. And, I was mesmerized by her glamorous gown which I heard cost a fortune.
By the way, Mr. Trump’s first wife Ivana was ALSO an immigrant. In fact, she was born in Czechoslovakia. OMG! Please stop the press!!!
I also read on Mr. Trumps website, “ Donald J. Trump is the very definition of the American success story, continually setting the standards of excellence in BUSINESS, REAL ESTATE, and ENTERTAINMENT.”
So, my question is: “What is he doing vampirizing the political realm?

desert
Now my greatest fear is for the employees of the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services. Why? Because Trump might command their genocide.

Trust me, I already renewed my passport. In fact, I carry it with me everywhere I go. I even purchased a one-way ticket to Timbuktu City in Mali.
By the way, since Trump is doing such a great job tromping over the good values of the American people, don’t you think the name “TROMP” would suit him better?”
Well, Trump better be glad I’m not working for the State vital records office. I would gladly do him the honor for FREE!
Then his political slogan would read: “TROMP, Anything is possible in America!”

The Damn Smart Boy!

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boy thinking

Three young boys living in extreme poverty in Haïti. When asked “If you had a chance to go to school, what would be your major?

The first one answered: “ I would like to be a doctor, so I can contribute my skills to help the poor, while I live a comfortable life.”

The second one answered: “My seven siblings and I are living in one small room. I would like to be an engineer so I can build my mother a big house, and pay for my siblings’ education.”

The third one looked at both of them as if they were crazy. Then he answered: “I would like to be the first millionaire in hell!”

“What?” Why would you want to be a millionaire in HELL?

“Because in hell everyone is hot and constantly thirsty. I would open a water store there, so even Satan would become my friend.”