A Parishioner’s Confession

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Thinking angels

So when I went back for confession with Father Gullible, I noticed he had lost a few pounds.
“Wow Father Gullible, have you been on a diet?” I asked him ironically.
He smiled before he answered me; “My bowel movements have been quite unusual since New Year’s Eve.”
“That’s strange! According to the recipes, you should have been fine by the second day.”

“Dear child, did you have anything to do with … I mean, for a moment I thought you were probably responsible.”

“Of course I was! They’re my laxative cookies… Now you all should be brand new for the New Year. Remember, I told you to “drink lots of water” before I left.

Father Gullible was so shocked, he sort of just… shuts down. With his face slacks, the color drained from it, he continued to stare wide-eyed at me, while his mouth slightly remained open. He kinda just froze up. I had to call him numerous times: “Father, Father, FATHER!”
He finally answered, “I, I’m here dear… child.”
“Thank God! … Father, I hope you understand it was for your own good. I bet you haven’t had a laxative for quite a while now.”
“You’re right. I can’t recalled the last time I had one.”
“You see what I mean? But Father … you’re still having diarrhea?”
“Well… yes. Although I did stop eating your… cookies… I’ve been munching on some butter cookies, which came from another parishioner. The box was so beautiful, I just had to …. In fact, I just had one this morning.”
“You talking about the ones from the green box?”
“Yeah! They are called “Brand New cookies.”
“Exactly! They make you brand New. They were from my mother. In fact, we baked them together!”
“Dear Lord!”
“Father, if I were you, I would stop eating those cookies. The Lord is a Man, remember?”
After a few sign of the cross over my head, as if he was performing a silent exorcism, father Gullible finally said.

“Are you telling me, you and your mother sent seven boxes of.”
“Yes, Father. We sent them to the whole convent. .. But, rumors has it  all the grocery stores ran out of toilet paper, so I thought it was time to send you guys some lemonade.”
“Lemonade? What?”
“Hey Father! Temperance is a virtue; you taught me that; remember? Besides, what’s a little constipation?”

 

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One thought on “A Parishioner’s Confession

    thelonelyauthorblog said:
    January 5, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    Haha That was a good read.

    Liked by 1 person

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