A MOTHER’S CONFESSION

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child confessing

MOTHER: “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. “I mean, I’ve always sinned; but, this sin was premeditated than… you know what I mean?”

THE PRIEST: Remained quiet for  a few seconds before he answered, “Sorry my child, my stomach is just not. “Anyway… what manner of sin are you referring to?”

MOTHER: “I gave my children diarrhea, now they can’t stop shitting. …. “Father! … Father!”

THE PRIEST: “Am here my child! Just a bit… dumbfounded… trying to…. “I don’t think I’ve heard this confession from any other parents before. Mind you, I’ve been a priest for… let see… over twenty five years.”

MOTHER: Genuine smile,“ Wow! So proud of myself!”

THE PRIEST: “Well! Actually… I’ve heard it before, but… this type of sin is more common among married couple.”

MOTHER: “Oh shut! Why didn’t I think of that when I was married?

THE PRIEST: “Well! … I, I don’t think you would.”

MOTHER: “So …. Do I get a reward then?

THE PRIEST: Chuckles.

MOTHER: “Why you? Don’t you think I deserve a reward Father? I mean, it was brilliantly unique sin.… You just said it yourself.”

THE PRIEST: “There are no brilliant; … Anyway, am a bit curious of how you?”

MOTHER: “Oh! Piece of cake… Just blended four bottles of liquid laxative in their Rum punch!”

THE PRIEST: “Four?”

MOTHER: “Yap!!! Told you they can’t stop sh…!”


FATHER: “Dear Lord!… But, WHY?”

MOTHER: ‘Because it’s the end of the year Father! Their body needed a tune up before the New Year! See, in my culture, the New Year means clean house, clean body, clean pets, we drink  yellow squash soup, eat some oranges, yellow sheets, yellow tablecloth, yellow panties, yellow -yellow-yellow everything… You know, we think yellow, eat yellow, dress yellow;  so we can dream yellow! But, you think they would respect my tradition? Of course not! Although, it was a different ball game  when they were younger. They use to drink anything I gave them. But, now they are older, I have to torture them, just to get them ready for the new year. In fact, they’re not the only one; have to do that with everyone else… Oops!  Never mind!”

THE PRIEST: “Now that I understand your.”

MOTHER: “Well! To be fully honest, the other two bottles  I gave them, were for all the shit and nit they… put me through this year; leaving me with grey hair all.”

THE PRIEST: “Dear child, don’t blame your children for your  grey hair!”

MOTHER: “NO, NO FATHER! This year, my grey hair were springing forth like corn popping in the microwave. TRUST ME, THEY were the.”

THE PRIEST: “OK my child. In this case, just pray 7 Hail Mary, for your penance, and.”

MOTHER: “Oh no! No Hail Mary for me! Don’t want any prayer to remind me where I potentially heading after am dead.”

THE PRIEST: “Dear child. You must not be so paranoid. The Lord understands or weaknesses. As long as we confess your sins, He’ll.”

MOTHER: “Really? He really, really meant that?

THE PRIEST:  “Of course! He’s a God of love and forgiveness.”

THE MOTHER: Got-ta go!

THE PRIEST: But, where are you going? You haven’t.”

MOTHER: “Gotta  bake some more of those cookies you just ate for a few of my friends… Don’t forget to drink lots of water OK! “Happy New Year Father!”

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