Month: December 2015
MOTHER: “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. “I mean, I’ve always sinned; but, this sin was premeditated than… you know what I mean?”
THE PRIEST: Remained quiet for a few seconds before he answered, “Sorry my child, my stomach is just not. “Anyway… what manner of sin are you referring to?”
MOTHER: “I gave my children diarrhea, now they can’t stop shitting. …. “Father! … Father!”
THE PRIEST: “Am here my child! Just a bit… dumbfounded… trying to…. “I don’t think I’ve heard this confession from any other parents before. Mind you, I’ve been a priest for… let see… over twenty five years.”
MOTHER: Genuine smile,“ Wow! So proud of myself!”
THE PRIEST: “Well! Actually… I’ve heard it before, but… this type of sin is more common among married couple.”
MOTHER: “Oh shut! Why didn’t I think of that when I was married?
THE PRIEST: “Well! … I, I don’t think you would.”
MOTHER: “So …. Do I get a reward then?
THE PRIEST: Chuckles.
MOTHER: “Why you? Don’t you think I deserve a reward Father? I mean, it was brilliantly unique sin.… You just said it yourself.”
THE PRIEST: “There are no brilliant; … Anyway, am a bit curious of how you?”
MOTHER: “Oh! Piece of cake… Just blended four bottles of liquid laxative in their Rum punch!”
THE PRIEST: “Four?”
MOTHER: “Yap!!! Told you they can’t stop sh…!”
FATHER: “Dear Lord!… But, WHY?”
MOTHER: ‘Because it’s the end of the year Father! Their body needed a tune up before the New Year! See, in my culture, the New Year means clean house, clean body, clean pets, we drink yellow squash soup, eat some oranges, yellow sheets, yellow tablecloth, yellow panties, yellow -yellow-yellow everything… You know, we think yellow, eat yellow, dress yellow; so we can dream yellow! But, you think they would respect my tradition? Of course not! Although, it was a different ball game when they were younger. They use to drink anything I gave them. But, now they are older, I have to torture them, just to get them ready for the new year. In fact, they’re not the only one; have to do that with everyone else… Oops! Never mind!”
THE PRIEST: “Now that I understand your.”
MOTHER: “Well! To be fully honest, the other two bottles I gave them, were for all the shit and nit they… put me through this year; leaving me with grey hair all.”
THE PRIEST: “Dear child, don’t blame your children for your grey hair!”
MOTHER: “NO, NO FATHER! This year, my grey hair were springing forth like corn popping in the microwave. TRUST ME, THEY were the.”
THE PRIEST: “OK my child. In this case, just pray 7 Hail Mary, for your penance, and.”
MOTHER: “Oh no! No Hail Mary for me! Don’t want any prayer to remind me where I potentially heading after am dead.”
THE PRIEST: “Dear child. You must not be so paranoid. The Lord understands or weaknesses. As long as we confess your sins, He’ll.”
MOTHER: “Really? He really, really meant that?
THE PRIEST: “Of course! He’s a God of love and forgiveness.”
THE MOTHER: Got-ta go!
THE PRIEST: But, where are you going? You haven’t.”
MOTHER: “Gotta bake some more of those cookies you just ate for a few of my friends… Don’t forget to drink lots of water OK! “Happy New Year Father!”
I must take a few days off, but TRUST ME, I will be back!
AM I NOT THE WINNER?
Yes, I Am Destiny!
I have no gender nor kinder,
No answers nor finder,
For, I am the future; not the present.
Yes I Am Destiny!
When adrift, unanchored,
I’m, the nudge in your subconscious,
Your silent reminder,
Your imaginary conversation.
Yes, I am the pathway of resilience.
Across the valleys, up the hills,
Where, you’ll stumble, even fall.
I am the appointed time,
And, your final mastery.
I Am Destiny!
I wait with my arms open wide,
Upon the glorious mountaintop;
My hands bathed in triumphant tears,
Holding the crown of victory.
Yes, I Am DESTINY!
Oh you selfish gem, who’ve stolen my glory;
Am I not the king, to have been welcomed;
As I held their hands “till death do us part?
So what if my bones crack while I walk;
As they often crumble and must be glued!
So I’m not the most attractive John Doe, or prince charming;
Yes all the freaks from the cemetery call me “friend;”
And life despise me, as my flesh decays.
So I am death!
But, you cheater!
Do we not share a common ground?
At an appointed time we do meet;
While they applaud your glory,
They refrain from my presence!
Yes! You stir up bliss ecstasy;
I arouse grief and despair.
You thrive with life up high,
I waltz in the wasteland with the dead!
But, will they all meet you at the end –
Yet, who can escape my handshake?
You gem of hope; oh you joyful destiny;
Glorious thrill you are indeed!
But I, but I, I am DEATH and mysterious;
AM I NOT STILL THE WINNER!!!
Since I’m running short for time, I thought I would post one of my old… hope you enjoy!
Three young boys living in extreme poverty in Haïti, were asked the following question: “If you had a chance to go to school, what would be your major?
The first one answered:
“I would become a doctor, so I can contribute my skills to help the poor in my community, while I live a comfortable life.”
The second one answered: “My seven siblings and I are living in one small room. Therefore, I would become an engineer, so I could finally build my mother a gigantic house, as well pay for my siblings education.”
The third one looked at them and laughed, as if they were both crazy; before he answered:
“I would be the first billionaire in hell!”
“What?” The other boys shouted. “Why on earth would you want to even live in HELL?
He answered, “Because in hell everyone is constantly hot, and thirsty; I would be the first one to open a water store there. So, even Satan would become my best friend.”