My Hilarious God-Mother Part II

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About a couple weeks later from the day my God-Mother arrived from Haïti, I came home from work to find my backyard covered in white. She was using the sun ray to remove the stains from the children white clothes. It’s like a pre-wash process which the old folks used in Haïti, since  bleach was usually the last result.
Of course I thought it would be fun to hear her explanation.  So I asked her, “Nin, why are all those white clothes laying on the grass, back there?”
“Oh – Foune, (This is my nickname from her) you forgot how to wash?”
“Nin, I never had to wash in Haïti, we had maids, remember?”
“I forgot, you were a City girl when you went to live with your Papa. Well, Am bleaching the white clothes. Because, they sure look, like they been washed in pi, couldn’t see my reflection in them.”
“But, Nin, you wash all those clothes by hands, I have a washing machine?”
“Yes, I did. In that bucket were I bathe, and pi in every night.”
“Nin, the bucket you asked me to buy for you? But, you have a bathroom in your room.”
“Mm –Mm! I don’t like that white chair that make the sound: “Chwaaaaaaaaaaa –Chwaaaaaaaa. It feels as if  it will chop my butt off, sooner or later. So when I wake up to pi, I use the bucket. But, the only problem, sometimes my butt gets stock in there. You know God gave me more than my share back there.”
“Yes Nin. You do have a big butt, even the girls were saying that.
“Oh! Pitit mwen!” (Meaning “My child” in creole) When I was young, your Nin was a fine girl! My butt always went “Booom, Boom; whenever I walked. lol”
“But Nin, the white thing in the bathroom is a toilet, and it’s made for you to …  so you don’t have to be afraid of it. And the shower is there for you to bathe as well!”

“Oh, no-no-no!!! I’ve been trying to find out, where the broiling water was coming from? I went behind the wall, but I see no pot, no fire, but still, the water comes out hot. Something is wrong with this my Foune! Listen to your Nin. God sure don’t like ugly! “ Honestly,  I only use the white chair in the bathroom to “caca,” since I couldn’t find any bathroom out there, and you don’t even have some mango or banana trees back there either. And believe me, every time I use that strange stuff, I pray for mercy. And,  I make sure I run away as fast as I can too. As for my bath, I go outside. Well, that man next door was looking at me one day, so now, I use the bucket to draw some water, then carry it back in the bathroom. Well, I’m not going to lie to you my Foune.” She laughed before she continued. “Sometimes, I get the water from the sink in your kitchen, so I can wash myself, just as God intended for us women to wash what He gave us. You know what I mean!”

But, Nin. I wash “it” while I’m taking a shower. I don’t  have to use a bucket.” jpg
“OH NO!” Not the same thing. A woman must sit on a bucket, to wash, wash, and wash, what the Good Old Lord gave her. If not, the husband won’t be pleased.”

“Nin, this is the old way. But now.”

“Listen to your Nin, pitit mwen! ” I wasn’t here when you were getting married, but now I’m here for you. And if I were here, you sure wouldn’t be married to “Him” either! My poor child. But, anyway, you still have to do your duties, even when you are married to a fool. And, you don’t want your husband to think some fish are swimming down there. So, buy yourself a bucket, and wash, wash, and wash! Hear me child?”

To be continued.

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2 thoughts on “My Hilarious God-Mother Part II

    Kevin said:
    November 18, 2015 at 1:03 am

    What a great story! It sounds like 2 worlds colliding.

    Liked by 1 person

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